10 LESSONS FROM 10 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

Recently, someone walked to me and congratulated me on our 10th wedding anniversary. She then went on to say, "You should write 10 lessons from the 10 years." We laughed about it and I promised to fulfill the task. As we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, we've distilled some essential lessons that have helped us build a strong relationship.

1. Godliness

Prioritizing God in our marriage has been a cornerstone of our relationship. We believe that God brought us together, and He's the one who keeps us together. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, "A threefold cord is not easily broken." By praying for each other and serving God together, we've strengthened our bond.

2. Friendship

Nurturing our friendship has been vital to our marriage. We make time to talk, laugh, eat, and play together, doing life as a team. Friendship looks beyond physical beauty and endures beyond the wedding day.

3. Love

Love is the foundation of our marriage. We've come to understand that marriage love is the will and desire to love each other for who we are, flaws and all. This selfless love has helped us grow together.

4. Forgiveness

Forgiveness has been a crucial aspect of our relationship. We've learned to let go of grudges and resentments, choosing instead to forgive and move forward. This has helped us avoid the toxic cycle of bitterness and anger.

5. Tolerance

We've learned to accept and appreciate each other's unique qualities, interests, and quirks. By embracing our differences, we've created a more harmonious and loving environment.

6. Communication

Effective communication has been a game-changer in our marriage. We've learned to express ourselves clearly, listen actively, and navigate conflicts with empathy and understanding. Lack of effective communication in a marriage is like riding a bicycle with your eyes closed.

7. Sensitivity

Being sensitive to each other's needs and situations has helped us build a stronger connection. We ask ourselves, "What does my partner think about this? How can I be of service to them?" These gestures have fostered a deeper sense of love and respect.

8. Humility

Humility has been essential in our relationship. We've learnt to put each other first, consider each other's perspectives, and grow in this virtue together. By learning to let go of pride, we've created a more loving and supportive environment.

9. Oneness

We've come to understand that we're one flesh, united in our love for each other and for God. By doing things together, agreeing as one, and growing in oneness, we've strengthened our bond.

10. Accountability

As each other's keepers, we've learned to hold each other accountable and support each other in our journey. We encourage each other to speak truth and love into each other's lives.

These lessons have helped us build a strong foundation for our marriage, and we're grateful to God for the journey we've shared so far.

A CONFERENCE WORTH ATTENDING

I've had the privilege of attending numerous church conferences, but the Central Africa Baptist University (CABU) leadership conference stands out as a truly heartwarming experience. Here are four compelling reasons why you should attend:

1. The Singing: The conference features a beautiful blend of English and local hymns, creating a heavenly atmosphere as hundreds of saints from Africa and worldwide sing praises to our King. Music is a vital part of Christianity, and this conference showcases the beauty of Christian worship.

2. The Fellowship: As a university setting, the conference offers a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with former classmates and friends. You'll also receive ministry updates from acquaintances and witness how the Lord is growing His church.

3. The Preaching: Seasoned men of God, with decades of experience in the pulpit, deliver hermeneutically clear sermons that bring warmth and refreshing to your spirit.

4. Christian Books: The conference provides an excellent opportunity to invest in vast knowledge resources written by sound authors, made even more accessible by Imbila Publishers' highly discounted prices.

Dear friend, make time to attend this wonderful conference and experience the joy of fellowship, spiritual growth, and enrichment. Don't miss out! This year's conference starts on 2nd December 2024. 

THE JOYS OF CHURCH PLANTING

As a church planter, I experienced the thrill of seeing God's work in the lives of others. Despite the challenges, there are several joys in church planting.

Firstly, the salvation of souls brought immense joy. After weeks and months of evangelism and preaching, it was thrilling to see people come to faith in Christ. Sometimes, it took months or even years to see the fruit of my labour, but when I did, it was a reminder that my efforts were not in vain.

Secondly, building relationships was also a highlight of my ministry. Whether it was with people in my church, the community, or with other pastors, I learned that many people respond to the Gospel and to leadership when they know who I am. Building relationships is crucial in making the Gospel available and sharing it with clarity.

Thirdly, preaching God's Word was a joy and a privilege. Proclaiming the message of the cross is a humbling experience, and it was thrilling to know that the words I proclaimed were not uttered in vain.

Lastly, witnessing God's grace on the flock brought me immense joy. Seeing members find believing marriage partners, transition from Sunday school attendants to faithful members, or go on to serve in other churches was a thrill. It's a reminder to look to the bright side of things and celebrate God's work.

In conclusion, ministry is a joy! If you are serving somewhere, be encouraged. If you know someone church planting somewhere, encourage them with these words.

WHEN A PASTOR RESIGNS-CHAPTER 5 (A word to rural church planters Part 2)

           Last week, I shared one solution to curb pastoral resignations in rural church plants. Today, I'll cover the remaining solutions:

2. Encourage Missionary Refreshment

Missionaries often work alone, leading to exhaustion and burnout. Encourage them to take leave days to refresh and recharge. Identify able and faithful men to stand in during the pastor's absence, ensuring the church has a refreshed pastor rather than one on the verge of collapse.

3. Regular Visits

Sending churches should plan regular visits to the church plant, building meaningful relationships with members and missionaries. This helps encourage the missionary, provides valuable insights for prayer and support, and allows the sending church to understand the challenges faced by the missionary.

At a Southern Province youth camp

4. Consider Church Plant's History Context

Recognize that each church plant has a unique history and context. Some may have experienced leadership gaps, conflicts, or other challenges. Acknowledge these factors and offer support and understanding to the missionary.

5. Address Financial Gaps

Rural church plants often face financial challenges due to member relocation. Consider empowering the mission station through economic activities like schools, clinics, or sports facilities, which can also serve as outreach opportunities. Ensure the missionary's financial needs are met, and they don't feel manipulated or undervalued.

Additionally, if a pastor chooses to do tent-making (part-time work), the church should be prepared to accommodate their schedule, understanding that it may impact their availability for preaching, visits, and other responsibilities.

Thank you for joining me in this series. Join me next time as I conclude this important subject.

WHEN A PASTOR RESIGNS- CHAPTER 5 (A word to rural church planters)

In my previous post, I addressed pastors, and today I'd like to share thoughts with churches involved in rural church planting. I'll offer four solutions to curb pastoral resignations, starting with one today and continuing with the rest next time.

Solution 1: Understand the Dynamics of Rural Areas

Churches in rural areas face unique challenges. People often stay for only two or three years before relocating to bigger towns for education, work, or other opportunities. This means the church loses multiple families each year, increasing the workload for the missionary pastor. I experienced this firsthand during my time as a missionary pastor, effectively pastoring three churches due to these dynamics.

Interacting with some congregants

To support missionaries, church elders can identify members willing to spend time with them, partnering in evangelism and understanding their daily lives. This benefits both the pastor and the sending church. When visiting rural churches, sending churches should consider the local context, avoiding comparisons with urban churches. Rural areas have different population densities, industries, and educational institutions, which impact church growth.

Instead of assuming a lack of evangelistic efforts, ask the missionary about their outreach activities. If there are no efforts, that's a concern. However, if there's active involvement but gradual growth, exercise patience and encourage the missionary. Share stories of Adonirum Judson's patience and George Muller's faith, reminding them that church growth varies by location. Celebrate gradual growth, recognizing that the tens and twenties are just as important as the fifties and hundreds.

Join me next time on November 1st, 2024, as I share the remaining solutions. 

WHEN A PASTOR RESIGNS- CHAPTER 5 (A word to churches)

        Last week, I addressed pastors and explored ways to support them in their vital work. Now, I turn our attention to the church as a whole, for the body of Christ is interconnected and that the individual parts impact the collective whole. Today, I will address the role of the church eldership to help reduce pastoral resignation.

        Firstly, observations from pastoral resignations highlight the crucial need for strong relationships within church elderships. The pastor-elder relationship must transcend employer-employee dynamics, focusing on brotherhood in the Lord. Building relationships before assigning roles is vital, as employees rarely develop meaningful connections with supervisors. To foster mutual respect, churches should outline the eldership polity clearly and recognise pastors as equals within the eldership. 

        Secondly, when calling pastors, churches must consider the role they will play, including providing leadership and vision. However, most churches overlook this reality, viewing pastors solely as preachers, visitors, and Bible study leaders.  

Kwenda poses with some of the men at
CCBC after a men's breakfast meeting

        The apostle Paul describes the church as the family of God (1 Timothy 3:15), emphasising the importance of familial bonds within the church. Meaningful relationships enable the sharing of challenges and foster unity, even in disagreement. When familial bonds are strong in the eldership, disputes can be handled maturely and respectfully. The consequences of neglecting these principles are evident in the story of Pastor E, who resigned due to irreparable relationships with elders, affecting the church negatively. His experience underscores the necessity of mature, respectful relationships within the body of elders.

        It is good for church elders to prioritize building strong, united elderships, recognizing the pastor's role in providing leadership and vision and cultivating meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and brotherhood in the Lord.

        Join me next week, on October 25th, as we continue to explore the important topic of pastoral resignations. We'll be discussing the vital role that churches can play in supporting their pastors and helping to address the root causes of resignations. Don't miss this opportunity to gain valuable insights and practical advice on how to build a stronger, more supportive church community. See you then!"

WHEN A PASTOR RESIGNS (Chapter 4) What are the solutions?

A WORD TO PASTORS

In our previous chapters, we explored various reasons why pastors resign and pastoral calls come to an end. Now, we'll discuss solutions to address these challenges.

Firstly, pastors need to be sure of their calling. I've interacted with numerous pastors who were certain about their calling, and this conviction helped them navigate ministry challenges. Anyone entering the ministry must be sure of their conviction to shepherd souls. Given the challenges African pastors face, it's crucial to have assurance in their calling to avoid an early exit.

During my tenure as Pastor at Choma Central Baptist Church, I often asked myself, "Why am I here?" The answer was clear: "God called me to this." This conviction must be every pastor's guiding principle.

Secondly, church leaders must prepare for leadership succession. In my discussions with pastors, it's evident that many love their congregations and work and would love to serve as long as possible. However, death can bring a pastoral call to an end, so it's wise for veteran pastors to identify and mentor young leaders who can succeed them. This succession planning is crucial, as death can occur unexpectedly.

Regarding financial challenges, pastors can consider empowering their wives by starting a family business or encouraging them to pursue formal employment or skill development. While this may not resolve all financial struggles, it can bring stability.

Raphael Banda, Kwenda Kwenda and Enock Sakala
 at a youth camp 

And finally, I want to address a crucial issue that affects many pastors: burnout. As we discussed earlier, burnout is a leading cause of pastoral resignations. Dear pastors, I urge you to prioritize rest and avoid overwork. The ministry is indeed a challenging and demanding calling, as the apostle Paul likened it to the hard work of soldiers, athletes, and farmers (2 Timothy 2:4-6).

As someone who has served as a pastor for over a decade, I can attest to the fact that sermon preparation alone requires a significant amount of time - at least 10 hours per week. Therefore, it's essential to make the most of your off days and leave days. Take time to recharge, refresh, and refuel. I recall a thought-provoking Facebook meme that showed an elderly man taking a break from his journey to enjoy a meal. His car was parked nearby, and the caption read, "Sometimes it's good to take a pause, recharge, and get back on the road." This simple yet profound message resonated with me. Dear pastors, I encourage you to adopt this mindset. Learn to pause, recharge, and return to your ministry with renewed energy and enthusiasm. Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury, it's a necessity. By prioritizing your well-being, you'll become a more effective and sustainable minister of the Gospel.

Thank you for joining me on this journey as I explore solutions to support churches and pastors and reduce pastoral resignations. Stay tuned for more insights and practical advice in the coming weeks! My next post will be on October 18th, 2024, so mark your calendars and join me again as I continue to address this critical topic. Together, we can make a positive impact on the lives of those who serve in ministry.